WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?

Fresh from what supposedly was my annual Physical Exam, now question if it were elder abuse, a USMC endurance test, the medical profession revolt against Medicare and/ or the recent election or simply sadists enjoying testing me for masochism. WHICHEVER, I managed to get through it while retaining my sense of humor, manners, sanity and life. It went like this and I do not exaggerate:
Instructed to have nothing but water from Midnight until after my exam brought Problem  #1. My blood pressure, allergy and thyroid medications are all pills taken by mouth.( I awoke at an hour I normally reserve for an adequate reaction time for, if not an alien invasion of earth at least a foreign invasion of the USA... felt this at least qualified for the latter since I was about to undertake the two most dangerous things an elder can undertake: #2 a bath and #1 drive the Atlanta Expressway System which is the most dangerous in the nation for any of any age… Did I mention, and me without a drinkable cup of coffee?)
Stared at my pill bottles pondering if I dared swallow my medicine. Called the doctor’s office (listened as recording gave the disclaimer telling me if an emergency hang up and call 911, followed by a lecture on arthritis which claimed there were over 100 different types… relieved they didn’t detail each but feared they might, followed by another on the qualifications/ training of Internal Medicine specialists before a human thankfully interrupted and told me to take my meds.
Survived bath, dressed, and with prepacked overnight ‘bag’ drove up to the exit gate which opens automatically to avoid the Home Owners Association being sued for unlawful imprisonment but Problem #2: it didn’t. Considered the cost of said lawsuit vs ramming it when I discovered it also opens when I push the entrance button on my remote so now joined the stalled cars on Ga. Hwy 400 (northern expressway that feeds the Atlanta Interstates)
Navigated both exits to I-285 East and West bur alas Problem # 3: Traffic blocked Exit 3 to my Doctors office and couldn’t safely exit there. Oh well, I'd use the next exit and double back to it. The next exit proved to be ‘Beautiful’ down town Buckhead/ Lenox Square/ Phipps. Speak of urban traffic snarls this is the King Kong of them. Managed to maneuver without a wreck and get back on 400 to my Dr. Office’s exit. Despite the ticking of the clock and hassle of it all, I was pleased to have DONE it.
Next on to parking: there are more hospitals and professional offices with attached parking garages in this area than concrete in NYC (oops exaggerated). Got trapped in the wrong one but managed to escape to the right one but no space available so toured it several times until one opened. Clock still ticking. Got on the first elevator available (though going the opposite direction but exited the parking lot on 8th floor level (the Top) and remembered the secret (no signs) of turning to exit through the rear. Remembered to go around the corner to the left and enter the professional office building’s elevators to doctor’s top floor office,.. all kept secret since there is no signage. Arrived a few minutes before my scheduled 11 AM appointment, Whew!
Beginning hunger pangs so read travel rather than food magazines. Finished two issues of Conde Nast when sign politely reminded me to shut off my cell phone which took away my only time piece. Whipped out my handy dandy electronic bridge game for a few hands to ignore my now growling stomach so got up and checked the time. 11:30 gone and headed for noon this was the longest I’d ever had to wait, here or perhaps ever. Finally an assistant type called me in. This usually started blood and urine sampling which would allow me to eat the snack I’d brought in case this sort of delay happened. Didn't happen. They wished to delay that until the MD saw me. Took all vital signs and usual measurements. Dr. saw and examined me, saw me again, EKGed me and at last took a urine sample after they bled me for about a half liter (oops again) of blood
Long story shortened,..  Returned via the already described nightmare of traffic as efficiently as possible but now am a distracted driver still fasting but cramming snacks down my mouth. Between 1:30 and 2 PM arrived home  and stepped from my car stumbling from dizziness to my neighbor's dismay. I recovered my balance immediately assuring I was fine. Surely this Health CARE system can't last. More like survival of the fittest.