I QUIT MY DAY JOBS

Every writer’s dream: quit the day job. It’s really simple but unfortunately my only day jobs were housekeeping and writing. I still do both but now I do them at night. As a night owl, an insomniac, it made no sense to keep faking it. I spent my pre-retirement years meeting the clock punctually (even got a raise once for being the only one who consistently did) and fighting my nighttime energy. Somehow, the Protestant work ethic made me feel guilty that I couldn’t sleep at night. If I put in an honest day’s work, why was I sleepless? The stigma is that sleeplessness is caused by a guilty conscience. Night people in a world attuned to day productivity have it bad enough without feeling guilty about it. And that was before they put me on thyroid pills.
Now research has lifted me from that snake pit. In case you didn’t catch the article, it went something like: Morning people make better grades etc. but night people are more advanced in the evolution of our species. I don’t care if they found we were less advanced, I’ll take it. At least I no longer wonder what my obviously guilty conscience is hiding from me.
No global warming worries, nights are cooler, nor about more sun damage to already desiccated skin. I don’t choose between thousands of lousy daytime TV shows, only a few lousy night ones since I don’t care for gratuitous violence. Energy companies give big discounts if you avoid their busiest grid hours. Stores and streets are less crowded at night. Noisy leaf blowers, telemarketers, lines of consumers, traffic jams, lawn mowers, garbage collectors, neighbors, door-to-door salesman and vandals are all asleep (guiltless with their past report cards of good grades). Hmm… it’s beginning to sound like this “research” is a plot.
My lifestyle change began immediately upon release of the new research Wednesday. I slept until 2PM and went grocery shopping at 8 PM. I worked until 3 AM and then to bed but sans sleep until 6 AM. Had my morning 2 cups of coffee on my patio and listened to the birds and commuters’ singing tires on the nearby expressways (a new experience). Read the morning papers (on the net), did daily crossword and websudoku and read my Emails then gladly went back to bed and sleep. Slept soundly before waking naturally. Had a 7:30 PM dinner engagement and by TV time was POOPED! Still I did my usual late night until 2+ AM-ish. Woke up noon-ish. Obviously must work out a few kinks but when I do sleep it is because I am sleepy.