A Hen Game

A Hen Game
In my family we're usually sick of turkey (best part is the cold sandwich, post feast, slathered with mayo and mustard) after Thanksgiving dinner. By Christmas we're ready for game hen which is kinda the antithesis of a turkey in size and station. Traditionally we have game hens, wild rice, almond and oyster dressing for Christmas instead of turkey, stuffing, etc. of Thanksgiving.
I spent Christmas with my son and his family in Atlanta (hustle and bustle) instead of Savannah (crystal bell at the hostess' elbow summons servants to the requiems of a leisurely, elegant, slow-paced dinner). On Christmas Eve I went shopping at Publix for Christmas dinner (fresher food and leisurely diversion intended).I went to the usual obscure spot occupied by excessive mounds of brick-bat-frozen game hens. There were only five left. When did the rest of the US discover the delicate delight of Christmas game hens??? I looked at them and from the distorted forms of their frozen carcasses I wasn't sure they hadn't died natural deaths (which isn't usually what one likes to think of in any game but particularly game birds...I mean, what with the West Nile virus and Bird flu rumors!) I thought to myself, suck it up, this is tradition...make do. I carted all five of them without firing a shot.
Moved to the seafood section and all the Daufuski oysters were sold. A black man next to me sounding very coastal ,Charleston or Savannah, in accent said. "Awdun unde shuckeduns?" The butcher looked at me and like a fool I translated: All done (gone) are the shucked (shelled) ones?" The butcher nodded and said, "All we have are in the shell."
"How muchfu'em?"
"$2.99."
"Each?"
The bargaining went a bit fast so that not even I understood how it was arrived at that he could have six for $8. Suddenly in the heat of bargaining they didn't need an interpreter. They both miraculously spoke the same language. Money sometimes does that to people.
I looked at the oysters. Both men seemed quite happy with the results of their bargained oyster price. "You ever shucked an oyster?" I asked and walked away. I didn't tell them but shucking is more difficult than getting jelled cranberry out of a can without a hole in both ends so I rolled my grocery cart on. Crabapples. I became obsessed with crabapples...whole ones. Weren't with fruit. None with produce. Employee with obvious malaise said he'd let me know if and when he found out where they were. He directed me. I stepped away from my cart to look thoroughly, stooping and stretching...none. Back to my cart. MY FIVE GAME HENS BECAME THREE IN THAT SHORT SPACE OF TIME!!! I was furious! Some slime bucket had stolen two of my game hens, albeit they weren't paid for yet. But they were the last in the store. (I checked with the butcher and of course told him my sad tale...he shrugged) I went up and down the check-out lines eyeballing for them. Then I calmed myself. It's Christmas Eve, get over it. About that instant a cart rolled by with two frozen legs sticking out from a jacket obviously thrown over it to try to disguise the "hot" frozen birds. I looked as closely as possible and truly they were mine. I could tell by the distorted position they were frozen in and the jacket over them was a bit obvious. I went up and down the grocery aisle in the opposite direction of the culprit so I could look the thief in the eye each time. She looked a bit sheepish and once when her cart was forced to barely touch mine due to the crowd she too quickly said, "scuse me." (Polite thieves are the WORST kind) All very unChristmasy. I decided I'd not let that scum ruin my Christmas. Finished my shopping and went up the road to a Kroger who had the usual mound of brick-bat frozen game hens. They were as good as I remembered from the Christmas before.
The Oysters? Not this year. Anyway my sons and grandsons would rather sandpaper a gorilla's chest than have an oyster cooked in the same house where they are. So I just looked at them and remembered how much better the wild rice, almonds, mushrooms and giblets would have been with them but kept the cart rolling. Christmas was one of the merriest.